Quick summary: A BBC feature on consensual non-monogamy has brought clinical psychologist Dr Lori Beth Bisbey into the public conversation, where she challenges the widespread assumption that polyamory is primarily sexual or inherently unsustainable. Dr Bisbey, who has practised non-monogamy for nearly two decades, argues that successful arrangements depend on emotional security, clear communication, and a solid existing relationship, rather than serving as a remedy for partnership problems. The feature, which includes voices from people living polyamorously across the UK, points to growing public interest in relationship diversity and the need for better-informed mental health support for those navigating non-traditional arrangements.
A new BBC feature has highlighted how consensual non-monogamy, often misunderstood as primarily about sex, actually centres on honesty, effective communication and careful scheduling. Clinical psychologist Dr Lori Beth Bisbey has provided expert insight into the realities of polyamory, countering persistent stereotypes.
In the article published on BBC, Dr Bisbey offers a clear definition of the practice. “Consensual non-monogamy is when people in a romantic relationship agree that they will not be exclusive partners with each other, and that in some form, they are able to have other partners,” she said.
She continued: “Now, often when people give this definition, they talk about sexual partners. That’s not always the case, there are people who have very deep emotional relationships that don’t include sex that they would still include under this rubric.”
Dr Bisbey, an intimacy and sex coach who appeared as a therapist on series one and two of Channel 4’s Open House: The Great Sex Experiment, directly addresses common misconceptions. She describes the idea that polyamory is not sustainable as “utter rubbish”. “I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for 17 years with my now-husband and 10 years with my other partner,” she explained.
The Edinburgh-based expert stresses that entering non-monogamy requires a strong foundation. She advises couples thinking about opening up their relationship to ensure it is solid, as non-monogamy “is not a good solution to problems”. “It’s also not a good thing to go along with because your partner wants it. If you are insecure this will make you more insecure,” she said.
These comments form part of a broader discussion in the feature by journalist Rowenna Hoskin, which explores lived experiences alongside professional perspectives. Naomi Allsworth from Pembrokeshire, now living in London, shares how polyamory extends far beyond physical intimacy. Naomi, who has navigated non-monogamous relationships for over a decade while raising her son, emphasises the importance of time management. She relies on “a really good online calendar” to balance commitments with her partners and family.
Naomi describes polyamory as “the ability to have multiple meaningful relationships”. She notes that assumptions linking it solely to sex can be hurtful, particularly when people assume polyamorous individuals love their primary partners less. Jealousy remains a real emotion, and successful arrangements demand greater trust and honesty than many monogamous relationships.
The feature also includes Gabriel Strange-Wood, 53, and his partner Christina Lydia Strange-Wood, 47, who host polyamory meet-ups in Cardiff and south Wales. Gabriel highlights the logistical challenges: “It can get very, very hectic at times, when you’ve got three or four on the go, it’s logistics most of the time.” He points out that a significant portion of the community identifies as asexual, prioritising emotional connections over sexual ones.
Dr Bisbey, with more than 30 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, accredited advanced GSRD therapist and specialist in gender, sexuality and relationship diversity, works with individuals, couples and groups on topics including consensual non-monogamy, kink and recovery from sexual trauma. She hosts the podcast The A to Z of Sex and serves as a sought-after media expert.
Interest in non-monogamous relationships has grown in recent years, reflected in television programmes, documentaries such as the S4C film Cariad Heb Ffiniau: Poliamori a Fi, and public conversations.