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Children generally look forward to the school holidays, especially the longer summer break. It’s a time to take a break from the usual routine, rest, play and spend quality time with friends and family.
It’s not always as easy for parents who may need to balance work commitments with time with their children. It can be even more tricky when parents are separated or divorced, and they need to navigate solo parenting as well as their relationship with their ex-partner. The focus should be on creating a plan that works for everyone and places the children’s needs at the forefront of decision-making.
How should time be split between parents?
There is no hard and fast rule as to how time with children should be split between parents and every family is different. Work commitments, living arrangements and other children often play a factor.
A common approach is to simply divide the holidays in half. For example, over the summer holidays, parents could take a week each and alternate across the 6 weeks. Where one parent has a trip away planned, flexibility is key from both sides, as well as an understanding of the need for the children to see both parents. For example, should a holiday last over a week, extra days might need to be built into the other parent’s time either before or after the trip.
Discussing the arrangements in advance of any school holidays and agreeing a plan with your former partner is the best way to ensure stability for the children and clarity for the parents. This also allows you to be able to make clear plans for holidays or activities with the children as you will know exactly which days they will be with you.
When children are with one parent, some form of contact should be permitted with the other parent, such as video calls. This should be guided by the children, but they should be free to contact the other parent as they wish. Preventing this contact can cause upset and risks damaging the children’s feelings of security.
Parents should also provide updates to the other when the child is in their care for a prolonged period of time. This could be in the form of photo updates or a text message providing an overview of how the children have been.
What if we can’t agree?
Whilst parents want to keep their children’s best interests at heart, there can sometimes be conflict. This is understandable, particularly in the rawer early days after separation. Ideally, parents would agree on arrangements between themselves. Documenting these in a parenting plan can help to formalise everything.
However, if necessary, there are non-court dispute resolution options, such as negotiation, either privately between parents or via solicitors. Mediation, as an alternative, is a great method to help reach a solution. In this process, a neutral third-party works with both parents so they can understand each other’s concerns and come to a decision.
In rare cases, a court application might be necessary for a Child Arrangements Order or a Specific Issue Order (for a particular holiday one parent wants to take the children on, for example). The court will decide what is in the best interests of the children and parents will be legally bound by that decision.
Final thoughts
The goal is to have a restful and fun time as a family, whatever your new family structure looks like. Focus on the needs of the children first and foremost, and the rest will likely fall into place.
Sophie Croft is a senior associate at Stowe Family Law